My grandmother known as Gogo (grandmother or wise one) is 95 years old and lives in Johannesburg, South Africa, in a
township called
Soweto. She is an amazing and courageous woman who defies the
many stereotypes associated with seniors.
At 95 years old and blind in one eye, Gogo prepares her own meals, works the field and fetches water from a well about one kilo meter away from her home without any assistance. She remembers everyone and things that happened in
the past. I believe the reason why Gogo thrives in everything she does is because we as her family let her be who she is and to do so in familiar surroundings; around people that love and care for her. We never
make her feel incapable and we never affirm to the negative stereotypes.
When the time comes when she is not able to do the things that she use to do or
unable to take care of herself, we don't plan on putting her in a senior's home. In South African culture, we believe that our elders should be taken care of by their children or any surviving relatives. Putting her in a home will make her feel abandon and
neglected.
As someone who was born in Hong Kong and raised in Canada, I've seen that both cultures - collectivist and individualist respectively - view and treat their elders quite differently. The "empty nest" cultural attitude that promotes children seeking independence from their parents as early as possible and the parents carrying on working and saving for their own retirement and living by themselves while their children have their own families in a separate household seems to be common in Canadian culture. Each generation is expected to be self-sufficient on their own and build a foundation for self-sufficiency for the next. In comparison, Chinese culture is focused on a single household of multiple generations whose duty is to support each other.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up in Canada, I've often felt conflicted about the expectations from my Chinese culture and sought independence at an early age. However, as a working adult about to start my own family, I now have become much more accepting and understanding of my heritage. Seeing how my parents, aunts and uncles support my grandparents, in the future, I am prepared to live again with my parents and take care of them as they get old.
Indeed Wilson, cultures are different, somewhat my culture and yours are quite similar. A lot of responsibility is often shifted to the oldest child, especially a male child. I guess the reason being that men can keep the family name while women are usually married into their husband's families and therefore change their last name once married. I didn't know that senior facilities existed until I moved to Canada, what a cultural shock it was for me.
DeleteAs I mentioned in class - my mother-in-law does not want to live with us. Her preference would be to be totally independent. I would be pleased for her to be with us.
DeleteAs I think about my English heritage, it is pretty much the same there, although I distinctly remember that a childhood friend's grandad lived with them.
I guess what I am pointing out is that, at least in some cases in Canadian culture, senior family members want to maintain their independence, and I suspect that the loss of it is viewed as another step on the road to total loss - death.
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ReplyDeleteI have witnessed firsthand how difficult it can be to care for an elderly relative once they reach an advanced age they do develop physical and mental illnesses (of course that’s not to say every elderly person will). My maternal grandfather, who served in the Canadian Air Force as an air gunner, was one of the bravest men I have ever known. He was extremely healthy and active and remained relatively independent into his old age. It wasn’t until he was ninety years old that caring for him became difficult. He lived with my mother, father, sister and I but due to the fact that he had bronchitis, arthritis, and was blind in one eye needed extra medical care that we could not provide him at home. Both my parents were still working full time themselves and my sister was studying at UBC at the time and I was in my last year of high school and working part time nights and weekends. That being said, even though we wished to provide him with everything he needed to be happy and healthy and have a good quality of life, it simply was not an option past the age of ninety for our family. We could no longer provide the medical attention he required. Another issue was the fact that he longed to be social with others his own age. Ultimately we all decided together (himself included) that living in a retirement home would suit his needs best. He got his own room at The George Derby Veterans Home in Burnaby. It was one of the best decisions, he had the companionship he deserved, he loved all the staff and had many friends that lived there as well. I believe in an ironic way it made him feel like he was living independently and he really enjoyed that. My entire family were all very good about visiting him, I know some of the seniors rarely got visitors, which was very sad to see, but my grandfather was not one of them. My mother visited him almost every day, sometimes twice a day. He also had a nurse we hired come in three to four times a week to help him out in his room, provide extra companionship, and provide him the medical attention he needed. He was ninety-six when he passed away and he is greatly missed.
ReplyDeleteMy other grandfather on the British side of my family, who was also in the Air Force in WWII, lived in England but our family would visit almost every year. He was extremely healthy and very active in his old age. He lived independently until he passed away also at age ninety seven. Some of my fondest memories with him were going for long walks together. My last visit with him about two years ago he would have been ninety four or ninety five, we ate dinner at a local pub with his lovely wife Iris (he remarried after my grandmother passed away) and we all walked home to their house after dinner together. They were truly amazing people and they broke any stereotypical beliefs I ever had about elderly people.
Due to the opposing experiences I have had with the elderly I know just how difficult it can be to actually care for an elderly relative, and I encourage others to keep an open mind about retirement homes and higher care facilities. I would also suggest to wait and see how it goes in caring for your relatives at home, certainly do it for as long as you can. You may find that your relative actually wants the company of people their own age and would prefer to live in a care home. Also it may reach a point in which your home no longer has the medical facilities necessary to provide a good quality of life. If you can care for your relatives at home I think that’s wonderful and if not, then picking a quality care home might be your best option.
I was impressed by Wilson’s views on how family structure is different between Hong Kong and Canada, and I want to encourage people here to rethink the way they live (as separate generations). I think Canadian society would be better for more closeness between generations, and I hope to be able to promote that, in some small way.
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